| | Poem I wrote..Tell me what you guys think about it...=) |   |
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exsniper
Posts: 52
Join date: 2009-12-16
| | Subject: Poem I wrote..Tell me what you guys think about it...=) Tue Dec 22, 2009 7:19 pm | |
| Pale Flower of Darkness
by Jan(not gonna say my last name)
As you sink into the darkness
Your life turns stale.
What once was a bright Flower,
Has now turned Pale.
What once was a lovely sweet smile
Has now turned in to a malodorous grin.
As you walk deeper onto thy path
Your shadow fused with the abyss.
Your life that is drench with sorrow
Will plant a seed of tears.
Tears filled with sadness,
Sadness caused by loneliness.
Oh, pale flower where did your sweet smile go?
Oh, pale flower when will you ever glow?
Your face filled with sorrow,
Sorrow that will never leave your soul.
So cry out my pale flower
Cry my Pale Flower of Darkness .
*Please do not plagiarize this! This is an original piece that I wrote for one of my assignments |
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Dutch
Posts: 86
Join date: 2009-12-22
Age: 20
Location: North Carolina
| | Subject: Re: Poem I wrote..Tell me what you guys think about it...=) Wed Dec 23, 2009 2:38 pm | |
| Wow you should try to get this published |
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exsniper
Posts: 52
Join date: 2009-12-16
| | Subject: Re: Poem I wrote..Tell me what you guys think about it...=) Wed Dec 23, 2009 2:45 pm | |
| lol...Thnx I'm actually planning to, after I finish university or something probably. Right now, I'm just keeping poems that I wrote in a little folder..lolz |
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PaLLy
Posts: 18
Join date: 2009-12-16
Age: 38
Location: USA
| | Subject: Re: Poem I wrote..Tell me what you guys think about it...=) Thu Dec 24, 2009 3:49 pm | |
| VERY GOOD! I would like to know who broke your heart when you wrote this. From what I gather, its about being alone, and the feeling of darkness most feel when that happens. VERY GOOD, and should be published! |
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Snitches
Posts: 38
Join date: 2009-12-24
Age: 16
Location: Phillippines
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Buttman
Posts: 19
Join date: 2009-12-18
Age: 21
| | Subject: Re: Poem I wrote..Tell me what you guys think about it...=) Fri Dec 25, 2009 6:02 am | |
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exsniper
Posts: 52
Join date: 2009-12-16
| | Subject: Re: Poem I wrote..Tell me what you guys think about it...=) Fri Dec 25, 2009 1:39 pm | |
| To Pally No one broke my heart...I was just feeling a little gloomy so I made a poem about a story that I've created in my head...lolz To Snitches You're welcome to try and turn this into a song... as long as you give me credit for it that is!  To Buttman love your quote at the end! Can I use that to make a poem? |
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Dutch
Posts: 86
Join date: 2009-12-22
Age: 20
Location: North Carolina
| | Subject: Re: Poem I wrote..Tell me what you guys think about it...=) Fri Dec 25, 2009 2:18 pm | |
| You should post some more on here cause like stichs im pretty sure i could turn these into songs. with your consent that is ^^ |
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exsniper
Posts: 52
Join date: 2009-12-16
| | Subject: Re: Poem I wrote..Tell me what you guys think about it...=) Fri Dec 25, 2009 2:49 pm | |
| Ok because Dutch told me to post another one.. Here it is! Lover's Creedby Jan My Love, my Queen, I promised not to make you unhappy. Tears shall not touch your cheeks. Pain shall not struck your heart. For I will be there for you, Standing by your side. Watching you, loving you Until the end of time. I will be an impenetrable shield That will keep you away from harm. I will be a blade That will eliminate anything that aches your heart. Ever since I said "I love you," I'd decided to offer you my life. The only one I will love, The only one I shall desire. Forever I shall be with you. Forever I'll hold you dear. My love for you is eternal My Love, my Queen, my Dear. *To lazy to make another topic so I just posted it here  **This one I'm afraid you can't turn into a song coz I wrote it for someone... and this is a very personal and special poem for me... |
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Dutch
Posts: 86
Join date: 2009-12-22
Age: 20
Location: North Carolina
| | Subject: Re: Poem I wrote..Tell me what you guys think about it...=) Fri Dec 25, 2009 7:19 pm | |
| aw its beautiful great job ex ^^ |
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Snitches
Posts: 38
Join date: 2009-12-24
Age: 16
Location: Phillippines
| | Subject: Re: Poem I wrote..Tell me what you guys think about it...=) Fri Dec 25, 2009 7:26 pm | |
| can you make a poem about a boy that has been left by a girl which he truely love ? . im very thankful if you can. |
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exsniper
Posts: 52
Join date: 2009-12-16
| | Subject: Re: Poem I wrote..Tell me what you guys think about it...=) Fri Dec 25, 2009 7:38 pm | |
| Yea I can...I think you just gave me my material for my next poem...Imma call it Night of Farewell. How's does it sound? Good title? |
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Snitches
Posts: 38
Join date: 2009-12-24
Age: 16
Location: Phillippines
| | Subject: Re: Poem I wrote..Tell me what you guys think about it...=) Fri Dec 25, 2009 7:43 pm | |
| WOW. what a nice title.
PS: make sure your poem can make me cry ? LOL. haha. |
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Snitches
Posts: 38
Join date: 2009-12-24
Age: 16
Location: Phillippines
| | Subject: Re: Poem I wrote..Tell me what you guys think about it...=) Fri Dec 25, 2009 7:49 pm | |
| and oh. hope you can add this.
My heart longs for you, my soul dies for you,
my eyes cry for you, my empty arms reach out for you. |
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exsniper
Posts: 52
Join date: 2009-12-16
| | Subject: Re: Poem I wrote..Tell me what you guys think about it...=) Fri Dec 25, 2009 7:57 pm | |
| Lolz Snitches..I dunno if I can make you cry with my poem but it'll definitely be sad |
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| | Poem I wrote..Tell me what you guys think about it...=) | |
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well, this is good because i can relate with the meaning 
